The Science Behind Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Self-confidence in children isn’t just about teaching them to be assertive or encouraging a big personality. True confidence stems from a deep-rooted sense of self-worth and the ability to engage with the world in a secure and positive manner. So, what does science say about developing these intrinsic skills and traits?

Self-Confidence

The development of self-confidence is closely linked to a child’s early experiences and interactions. According to developmental psychologists, a secure attachment between a child and their caregiver is fundamental to promoting healthy self-esteem and confidence. This bond provides the child with a secure base from which to explore the world and an assurance that there is always a safe space to return to (Ainsworth, 1970; Bowlby, 1969). Confidence is more than being outgoing -it’s about feeling secure in who you are, knowing your strengths and having the courage to try new things or ask for help when needed.

Autonomy and Competence

Research by Deci and Ryan, Self-Determination Theory (SDT), highlights the importance of autonomy and giving children a voice when developing self-confidence. When children feel that they have a choice and are not overly controlled, they feel trusted and are more likely to develop intrinsic motivation and confidence in their own abilities. Opportunities to have a go, try out things and demonstrate competence without undue pressure or judgement can increase self-esteem and psychological well-being (Bandura, 1977).

Growth Mindset

Dr. Carol Dweck’s studied how children who understand that their abilities can be developed through effort and persistence are more likely to feel confident and face challenges resiliently. There are great videos on YouTube if you are interested in learning more about her research. Encouraging children to view challenges as opportunities to learn rather than big obstacles plays a critical role in fostering a lasting sense of competence and confidence. Do check some of The Rocket House posts where we talk about the power of ‘yet’ - you can’t do it, yet!; and the importance of noticing children’s efforts, use of strategies and progress not just the results.

Quick Tips!

1. Model Resilience: Show your children how you handle failures and setbacks, share your own learning experiences and emphasise the lessons learned rather than the disappointments. It is also important for parents to be active listeners to build strong attachments and trust. Ensure your child knows they have a safe space at home or with you. If you listen even to the little things, they’ll know they can come to you for the bigger issues too.

2. Praise Effort and use Positive Language: Focus on the effort your child puts into their activities, not just what they achieve. This helps them value persistence and dedication. Consider the language you use. Without realising it, we sometimes label children, which can shape their perception and beliefs about themselves. If someone constantly hears they cannot do something, then that will become their inner belief! It is important to reassure children and encourage them to keep going, try again, and ask questions.

3. Provide Choices: Allow your children to decisions appropriate to their age. Let them make choices about their activities, homework, and even daily routines, even choosing what to wear. This builds trust in their abilities, encourages responsibility and helps develop their decision-making skills and autonomy. Giving them a voice will empower them for life!

4. Set Manageable Challenges: Help your child set achievable goals. If something it’s too tricky (e.g. homework), you can break it down and discuss ways to tackle it. This will increase their sense of competency and is a good way to develop metacognition skills (see our Metacognition post on The Rocket House Instagram!)

If you are a member of The Rocket House App, do reach out if you have any questions or need advice: lobby@therocket.house. We have teachers and tutors who can also act like mentors, inspiring your little ones and helping them develop self-confidence through fun activities or 1:1 support.